In the hour since Bri left, Nick had made it the five feet over to the couch. The parcel still sat upturned on the floor in front of him, and inside his head, the sound of the door slamming still reverberated.

He hadn’t even told Bri `happy birthday`. It was a foolish, hopeless thing to be regretting now, considering all the other things he’d said and done, but it was the one that dug its blade the deepest into his conscience. There were a couple of gifts squirreled away in the bedroom, and he’d planned to do something special that evening after they were done with the tree…he’d planned a lot of things, his mind getting carried away with the burgeoning relationship.

It was all useless now. As useless as the gift, as useless as the space near the window where he’d envisioned the tree would be…

As useless as him.

He’d been useless to Peter, and he was useless to Bri.

"Was it your salvation, Nick? Did it salvage your soul somehow to fix me?"

Maybe that’s what had driven him, without his conscious knowledge. Trying to save one man he cared about to make up for failing another. He’d consoled himself in the weeks after Peter’s death with the knowledge that, as it turned out, Peter had a few other people who cared about him. They’d all been shocked and subdued, of course, but he’d seen the pity in their eyes. Not at his loss, but at how stupid he’d been, how blind.

But ultimately it hadn’t mattered. When the masked man had walked into the bookstore that Tuesday afternoon, pulled out a gun and demanded every last cent in the place, it had been Nick there, none of the others. It had been Nick who had the opportunity and the responsibility to protect his lover.

And he hadn’t.

More people cared whether Peter lived or died, but for some godforsaken reason, it had been Nick who was spared.

And now, all he was doing was hurting Bri with every move he made, every word he said.

He swiped angrily at the stray tear that streaked down his cheek despite his ruthless effort to keep them in check. Getting up abruptly, wishing again there was a drink in this goddamned place, the toe of his boot caught on the shiny gold box, sending it skittering across the floor. The expression in Bri’s eyes when Nick said he didn’t want the gift seemed to reflect in every glittering expanse of paper and ribbon.

An irrational surge of fury saw him snatching up the box, ripping viciously at the pretty paper, wanting to see for himself what stupid trinket had been the catalyst for wrecking everything.

No…

No, he’d wrecked everything. As the folds of carefully wrapped tissue paper fell away, and there was nothing but the little crystal angel sitting on his palm, dim lights shimmering a rainbow on every cut facet, all the emotion seemed to drain out of him as surely as if someone had flipped a switch.

He’d been a fucking bastard, to the one person who deserved it least. Who didn’t deserve it at all. Bri needed reassurance after everything he’d been through. He didn’t need Nick throwing his gestures right back in his face. Literally.

His fingers closed around the little glass angel, a grain of satisfaction gleaned from the way the dulled crystal edges bit into his skin. Shutting his eyes, he clutched the angel to his chest.

"Bri…"

He couldn’t remember leaving the apartment. He was halfway across the lobby when it hit him that he hadn’t even shut or locked the front door, and that he didn’t have a coat. He didn’t care. He had his car keys in one hand, and the little crystal angel in the other, and he was going to find Bri if it meant he had to drive around for a week looking.

What he’d do after he found him…that part of the plan was still hazy, but involved apologising until Bri either capitulated or beat the shit out of him. If it meant he could stay in Bri’s company, Nick didn’t particularly mind which.

It took a few attempts to make any sense whatsoever to the doorman, who eventually informed him that yes, he had indeed seen a rather distressed young man leaving the building in a hurry. The boy had taken a right once he’d run out into the street. It wasn’t a lot to go on, but it was better than nothing.


**********


It was well past midnight – well past one a.m. if he chose to get technical – when Nick drew the car to a stop at the side of a dark street. He wasn’t even sure where he was anymore, he’d driven around these blocks so long, twisted and turned back on himself so many times, he was as good as lost. He snorted a humourless laugh, murmured out loud to himself;

"Merry Christmas, Nick…"

Picking up the little crystal angel, he turned it over in his hands as he leant absently against the steering wheel. He didn’t even notice the movement across the street until the headlights of a passing car lit up the boarded up storefront.

A scruffy brown haired young man leant against the window frame, tatty denim jacket drawn around him tightly, hands shoved into his pockets. A misty cloud formed in front of his face with every exhale, and every now and then he shivered hard enough for the messy tendrils of brown hair framing a perfect face to tremble slightly.

Bri.

Nick’s heartbeat sped up just on seeing the boy, just on knowing he was this close, after he’d spent the past few hours searching for him. He wanted to run across the empty street, run to Bri and take him in his arms, begging the younger man for forgiveness. But anxiety kept him bound to his seat as surely as if there had been a million bands of iron wound around him.

His hand was on the door handle when another beam of lights swept the street.

A car drew up to the curb as he watched, and a cold fist of nausea tightened in Nick’s gut. The car slowed down, and he watched as Bri levered himself away from the wall, sauntering over to the vehicle. He lost sight of Bri when the boy leaned down, level with the driver’s window.

Everything in him was screaming for him to move, to go over there and drag Bri back with him if he had to. But a tiny flare of fear kept him frozen. If he blasted in all guns blazing, Bri would take one look and bolt with the first john he could find.

For all he knew, this wasn’t Bri’s first customer since he’d stormed out. No…since Nick threw him out, in action if not in word. That thought threatened to turn nausea into downright sickness. He had no idea when he’d staked a claim to Bri, but it was certainly rearing it’s head at the idea of someone else laying a finger on the boy.

When he turned to look out of the window, he had to stop and shake his head, certain he was imagining things. The other car pulled away from the curb in an angry screech of tires and brakes, fishtailing down the street.

Bri was left on the sidewalk, glaring after the car and saying something – probably a stream of curses – at the retreating tail-lights.

Before he could think himself into inaction yet again, Nick swung the car door open, not even closing it as he crossed the street. Bri didn’t notice his approach for a second, but when he did it was like watching ten mile high barriers falling into place in those brown eyes.

"Fuck off."

"Bri, please, I’ve been looking for you all night, I just wanted to say I’m sorry, those things I said, I was just—"

Bri cut off his rambling with a stone cold look, icier than the sidewalk beneath their feet.

"I don’t care. Fuck off."

"Please, just listen to me, I—"

Bri laughed, the sound harsh and vicious. "What part of fuck off don’t you understand, Nick?"

"I’m trying to apologise. I’m trying to tell you I was wrong to say what I said…"

"And I said I didn’t care. End of conversation…"

Nick hadn’t noticed he was still carrying the angel around with him, as though it was some sort of talisman, until Bri’s gaze travelled to his hand, and he sucked in a surprised breath. Nick smiled sheepishly, lifting his hand and opening it slightly, cradling the fragile piece of crystal with delicate care.

"I opened it early, I’m sorry…."

Bri didn’t even blink.

"Thank you. It’s beautiful…just like you are. Bri, please…" Reaching out, one hand grasped gently at the boy’s upper arm, in an attempt to turn Bri to face him. Bri shook out of the touch.

"Go home, Nick."

"No." Nick shook his head stubbornly. "Not without you."

"Dumbfuck…"

"Yeah," Nick nodded, seriously. "I must be if I’ve let you slip through my fingers three times."

Bri reeled around, eyes blazing. Nick’s conscience received another sound kicking in the balls at the tears that glittered in those brown eyes. "Will you stop fucking saying things like that?"

"I don’t want to…"

"Well I do! I fucking want you to, okay?!" Bri spat the words out as though they tasted of some bitter poison. "I want you to fucking quit pretending like you give a shit, I want you to quit saying things you don’t mean. I don’t know what you want from me, but go find yourself another fucking charity case to save."

Bri began to stride away, but Nick moved with him, cutting off his path.

"I don’t want anyone to save." He tried futilely to catch Bri’s gaze. "I can hardly save me, Bri, let alone anyone else. I don’t want a charity case. I want you."

Bri scoffed, avoiding Nick’s eyes again, swiping at his own with the torn sleeve of his jacket. "That’s fucking bullshit and you know it is…"

"Why?" Nick countered. "Why is it bullshit? Why can’t I want you, Bri? Why can’t I care about you? Why can’t I do that without you thinking I want something in return, that I want you proving something to me?"

"Because that’s not how things are. That’s never how things are…"

"It is this time." Nick insisted desperately. "Please, Bri, let me show you that’s how it is this time…"

"Yeah." Bri glared at him through tears. "So next time I get you something, you can get on my back cause you’ll think I fucked someone to get it?"

Nick drew a breath, looked away. "What about him?" he asked quietly, gesturing down the street in the direction in which the other car had disappeared. "What did he want?"

"Directions." Bri snapped sarcastically. "What the fuck do you think he wanted?"

"So why was he so pissed?"

"Because I said no."

Nick raised his head, stared. Bri caught the expression and scoffed.

"Yeah, strange as it sounds I can say no…"

"That’s not—"

"Sure it is." Bri watched him, eyes narrowed. "I told you, go find someone else to save, because I—"

Nick didn’t know whether it was just a last ditch attempt to quieten Bri enough to actually listen to him, or just the overwhelming need to do so that had been nagging at him ever since he laid eyes on the boy again. Both hands on Bri’s shoulders, he tugged the younger man close, and kissed him.

For a second, Bri did nothing. Then he was kissing back with the same fervour, hands grabbing at Nick’s shirt, drying tears smearing against the blonde’s face with every movement, Bri’s lashes wet against his cheek.

Bri broke the kiss abruptly, a little breathless, wiping his mouth with the back of his hands.

"Do you think that makes everything all right?"

"No…" Nick shook his head, holding out one hand to Bri. "But it’s a start, right?"

Bri stared at him for an infinitely long moment. Everything had stopped around then, Nick had no idea how much time passed. It could have been seconds, it could have been days, but everything was at a perfect, unbreathing standstill until something flickered in those beautiful brown eyes, the animosity melting away like a slow thaw. Taking the blonde’s hand, Bri stepped closer.

When Bri was within reach again, Nick reached out, free arm wrapping around the younger man’s shoulder, and just holding him tightly. His face buried in the crook of Bri’s neck, pressing kisses to the soft skin, he whispered shakily; "I’m sorry…"

Letting go of his hand, Bri would both arms around Nick’s waist. The tone was still a little sullen, but Nick swore he could hear a smile. "Yeah, well…Act like that again and I’m kicking your damned ass."

Nick chuckled softly. "Okay."

He could have stayed there forever, just holding onto his beautiful Bri, basking in the radiating forgiveness and contentment. He might very well have done, were it not for Bri pulling back enough to look up at Nick, with a typically matter-of-fact frown.

"You’re shivering."

As though ignorance had been all keeping Nick from feeling the cold, he immediately registered the temperature at Bri’s words. He smiled sheepishly, suddenly fighting to keep his teeth from chattering. "I left in a hurry, forgot a coat…"

Bri shook his head, the word as affectionate as it was derogatory. "Dumbfuck…"

Nick smiled, hugging the boy close and pressing a kiss to his hair. Glancing across the street at the car, he met Bri’s gaze again. "Let’s go home?"

Bri met his smile with one of his own, brilliant and sweet as summertime, and nodded softly.

The younger man held his hand as they crossed the empty street. He even let Nick hold open the passenger side door for him without much of a fuss, save for a little eye-rolling. Nick turned on the heating as soon as the engine rumbled to life, but thanks to his leaving the door open, the interior of the car was as icy as it was outside. Bri snuggled against his side in silence, taking the crystal angel from Nick’s hand with a smile.

"It’s warm…"

"It’s beautiful." Nick glanced at the younger man as he began to drive back towards the apartment, with as much haste as he’d left. He just wanted to get home, so sure this was still some kind of illusion, some fantasy created in his mind because he wanted Bri to be there so badly. "I meant that, you know. Thank you."

Bri just nodded, looking at him with a small smile.


**********


The doorman seemed rather bemused as he watched Nick all but drag Bri through the apartment building lobby. He called out "Merry Christmas!" and Nick was barely coherent enough to answer, as he tugged Bri into the elevator with him, and the gleaming doors pinged shut.

The kiss began even before the doors closed, Bri’s arms locked around Nick’s shoulders, Nick’s around Bri’s waist, bodies pressed close as though it was an impossible hunger to assuage. The kiss was frantic, a battle of lips and teeth and tongues, a game of dominance where neither of them could lose. Nick’s hands slid down Bri’s back to lightly cradle his ass, and Bri arched against him like a snapping coil of electricity, a keened cry in the back of his throat as he rubbed his body against Nick’s.

The blonde bumped back against the elevator wall for support, just that small contact enough to make his legs feel as steady as the fluffiest snow. His soft moan didn’t get past Bri, who took wicked advantage of the extra leverage to rock his hips slowly against Nick’s.

He didn’t know whether he was relieved or pissed beyond hell when the doors shushed open at his floor. If Bri kept doing what he was doing, Nick was going to last a perfectly disgraceful ten seconds. At best.

They almost tumbled out of the elevator into the sleepy hallway, and Nick had been so lost in the kiss he was perplexed when Bri drew again, gifting him with another of those sweet laughs.

"Optimistic, weren’t you?"

Nick followed the amused brown eyed gaze, seeing his apartment door still wide open. Chucking, embarrassed, he smiled against Bri’s forehead. "Less optimism, more…blind stupid hope."

"Yeah well…" Bri looked up at him, one hand lifting to tentatively touch his cheek. "I guess we should both be glad you’re stupid, huh?"

"Yeah…" Nick smiled, tilting Bri’s face up slightly, kissing him. "We should."

One of them shoved the door shut as they stumbled into the apartment. Nick had no idea which, didn’t care, preferring to concentrate on the urgent kisses and the hands that skated over his body ravenously, devouring him by heat and touch. And once they were safely shut inside the warm apartment, Nick’s hands found the front of Bri’s jacket, unfastening it with desire-clumsy fingers. Bri followed suit without even breaking the rhythm of the kiss, still suckling on Nick’s tongue as he slid his hands beneath the hem of the blonde’s shirt, ticklish fingertips stroking skin as they dragged the fabric, sinuously slow, up his chest.

Bri’s jacket fell to the floor just moments before Nick’s shirt followed. Even the touch of Bri’s well-worn shirt against his skin felt like little brushes of fire against Nick’s chest. The heat of the younger man’s skin beyond the threadbare material made him crush Bri even tighter against him, kissing him hard and needy. Bri held on, legs parting around Nick’s as the blonde lifted him against himself, the hardness straining the front of his jeans meeting Nick’s own caged erection, making them both break the kiss with a gasp.

They stayed that way for a moment, Nick’s hands wrapped beneath Bri’s ass, the younger man’s hands on his shoulders. Those brown eyes were soft, the smile on those full lips sweet, only widening when Nick leaned forward to nuzzle a chaste kiss to them.

He kicked off his boots somewhere between the clothes-strewn hallway and the bedroom, arms still wrapped around Bri, in no hurry to let him down, and all Bri’s teasing wriggling and squirming did was incite the desire. When he did finally lower Bri to the floor again, it was just to have his hands free to tug off the younger man’s shirt.

He didn’t even notice that they’d made their way into the master bedroom until he fumbled blindly for the light switch, and not finding it in its usual place. But it felt right. Just like it felt right to have Bri in the apartment, it felt just as natural to be in this room with him.

Somewhere, in the moment of distracted thought, he’d been backed up against the edge of the bed. Bri kept him standing long enough to unfasten his jeans, fingers hooking beneath the material and tugging the garment down to Nick’s thighs. When one hand slid beneath the blue silk of his boxers, fingers seeking and finding his arousal, squeezing and stroking experimentally, Nick’s body tensed with a cry, desperately fighting the instinct to come there and then. It was like being a virgin all over again, and the whimsical thought occurred to him that he would have been happy if he’d waited for this particular lover.

Bri drew the heavy flesh out of the soft material, both hands wrapping it in a cocoon. He watched Nick’s reactions thoughtfully.

"How long’s it been…?"

"Four…" Nick sucked in a breath as Bri rubbed the pad of his thumb over the head of his cock. "Fourteen…months…"

Bri laughed softly, shook his head. "Figures…"

Nick had no opportunity to argue or be affronted at that remark. In one graceful movement, Bri sank to his knees, hands still doing their best to envelop Nick’s shaft. Just the head of his erection remained untouched by those fingers, and with one wicked glance up at him, Bri made sure he rectified that negligence. Those lips were just as soft and sinful wrapped around the tip of his arousal as they were to kiss, that tongue just as demanding.

Nick squeezed his eyes shut, hips snapping forward of their own accord. "Oh fuck…."

Bri just made an appreciative sound at that, fingers beginning to stroke to meet the slide of his lips. Nick’s hands rested against Bri’s hair, fingers winding into the soft brown strands, alternating between stroking, and tugging gently at each particularly knowing sweep of Bri’s tongue.

With want-drowsy eyes, he gazed down at the younger man, breath hitching at watching those lips moving on him, pace quickening after a short moment, surrounding his arousal with tight heavenly heat. Long denied pleasure swam through his veins, each nerve feeling as though it was being licked by living fire.

Then Bri lifted his gaze, eyes so dark they looked drugged, nothing but pupil outlined with a ring of brown. He sucked harder when his eyes met Nick’s, and the blonde involuntarily broke the eye contact, head thrown back as he cried out an incoherent combination of Bri’s name, and pleas to various deities.

The orgasm crashed into him with such force, he had no idea how he managed to stay standing. Bri, he supposed, not letting him fall. His body was singing, as though it had never known pleasure before, certainly not pleasure like this.

When he’d regained enough awareness to move, he drew Bri to his feet, and into a deep kiss, growling low in his throat upon tasting himself on those soft sweet lips. Bri leaned contentedly into him, as Nick raked his fingers lightly down the younger man’s sides, teasing at the skin for a moment before sliding his touch around the waist of Bri’s jeans to open then slowly. The pants slid down narrow hips with a soft shush, and Bri pressed forward against him shamelessly.

At the touch of the younger man’s cock against his own, the feverish tip sliding wetly, Nick bit back a groan, erection already stirring again. Bri smiled against the kiss, pulling back to nip at Nick’s lips while he rolled his hips slowly against the blonde, eliciting another deeper groan.

Bri’s jeans and tatty sneakers were a carelessly rumpled pile on the floor when Nick pressed the smaller body down onto the large bed, covering it with his own, leaning down to kiss Bri’s lips softly as the younger man wrapped his arms loosely around his neck, arching sweetly into the embrace. Bri’s legs wrapped around his hips without any coaxing, and Nick savoured how perfect it felt to be pressed snugly against the cradle of Bri’s thighs.

Sitting back, for a moment he could do nothing but gaze at the beauty spread out beneath him. Bri’s eyes were glazed and heavy lidded, the brown gaze molten as caramel. A flush coloured those fine cheekbones, and a fine sheen of moisture glimmered on a slender chest. His hands rested on Nick’s forearms, fingers tightening and loosening almost of their own volition.

He ran a hand down Bri’s chest, mesmerised by the way the younger man shivered under the touch, the way his stomach muscles quivered the closer Nick’s fingers brushed to the erection that strained for his attention. Bri gasped his name, lower lip between his teeth and fingers digging sharply into Nick’s skin as he ran one fingertip along the length of the heated shaft.

"Please…" Dark eyes gazed at him. "Nick…"

The thrill of hearing Bri say his name in that husky voice sent another jolt of pleasure straight to his cock. It twitched in envy and sympathy as he slowly wrapped one hand around his lover’s erection, Bri’s hips lifting up off the bed to meet the touch. Blunt fingernails dug into Nick’s arms, scraping up to his shoulder for something more to hold onto. Nick almost purred at the sensation, like a cat having its ears scratched.

Beneath him, Bri was a constantly moving – but incredibly welcome – distraction. Feet planted flat on the bed either side of Nick’s thighs, he thrust up into each of Nick’s strokes. His eyes were closed, head thrashing back against the pillow, and he was gasping broken pleas from parted lips.

My angel…

As though reading his thoughts, Bri opened his eyes, smiled brilliantly up at him for a second, before becoming side-tracked by another thrum of pleasure as Nick’s fingers tightened slightly around his cock in response. His legs parted wider, arching up against the blonde, and Nick found himself hard as a rock again, hungering for something more than Bri’s hands and lips, torturously talented as they were.

He reached for the nightstand drawer with his free hand, hoping against hope he’d find what he needed, almost yelping triumphantly when he did. Sitting back between Bri’s legs, he clutched the retrieved items as though they were the best gift he’d received that year.

No…He smiled down at the younger man as he opened the tube of lube, squeezing some of the cool gel onto two fingers. This was the best gift he’d received, his beautiful Bri. Not just that year, but for a very long time.

One hand parted Bri’s buttocks gently, as one slick finger stroked along the crease, the lube cold against warm tender skin. Bri shivered and flinched a little under the touch, only settling when Nick repeated the stroke for the third time.

Lowering his head, he pressed a kiss to Bri’s lips while his fingers sought out that tight ring of muscle, brushing careful slow circles around the puckered entrance, before easing one fingertip inside, just to the first knuckle. Bri made a low sound against the kiss, hips moving restlessly beneath Nick, a silent if not so subtle demand for more that was immediately granted.

When he had two fingers thrusting slowly and deeply into his lover, and Bri was making breathless noises in between hungry kisses, Nick drew back slightly, groping around over the rumpled sheets for the small foil packet he knew he’d taken from the drawer. Finding it, he tore at one corner carefully with his teeth, attention still focused on the boy beneath him, gauging his reactions, letting Bri’s passion fuel his own.

Hissing at the sensation as he rolled the condom onto his erection with lube-slick fingers, he positioned himself against the younger man’s entrance, one hand braced against the back of Bri’s thigh, the other still stroking his cock in slow firm movements. He waited – somehow – till Bri opened his eyes and looked at him, wanting to drown in those brown eyes as he sank into the body under his, increment by slow increment.

Bri’s eyes widened at that first thrust, lips parted, expression so simultaneously shocked and haunted that Nick would have stopped entirely had Bri not shifted beneath him wrapping his legs tighter around the blonde’s hips, and Nick was lost again.

That beautiful, pliant body relaxed in delicious little gradients around him, but even when he’d set up a slow deep rhythm, sliding into Bri was still like sliding into a tight velvet vice. The younger man’s body clung to him everywhere they touched, fingers and thighs, lips and that mindshattering point where their bodies joined.

Angling his thrusts to graze Bri’s prostate with each stroke, each one harder and faster than the last until the bedframe shook, Nick’s lips latched onto the side of Bri’s neck, nibbling and worrying at the skin. He listened to the loud breathy sounds Bri made, listening to the cries of his name that sent shivers of pleasure down his spine. When they met the sensations racing through his nerves from his arousal, they blotted everything out, nothing existing in that moment except the two of them.

The blissful expression of ecstasy on Bri’s face as he came, ribbons of moisture shooting against Nick’s stomach, and down over his fingers, was enough to tip the blonde over the edge. Thrusting once, twice, hard against the tightly rippling muscles, he found his own release with a hoarse cry of Bri’s name.

Then silence, just Bri’s racing heartbeat against his own, slick skin to slick skin, bodies still entwined.

Bri was looking away from him when Nick finally raised his head, gazing at the younger man with a frown.

"Are you okay…?" he asked hesitantly, fingers shaking a little as he reached to tilt Bri’s face towards his own. "Bri…"

"Yeah…" The younger man swiped at a tear before shaking his head in self-conscious irritation. "It’s just…No-one’s ever treated me like that before, that’s all."

Nick blinked, mind suddenly filled with the image of that fragile crystal angel. Bri was even more delicate than that. needed handling with more tenderness and care than even finely spun glass.

"Good…" he said eventually, voice soft. "That’s how I wanted it to be…" He kissed his young lover, holding him protectively close. Bri sighed a little, arms wrapped tight around him.

"And since I fucked up and didn’t get to say happy birthday," Nick brushed a fall of unruly brown hair from Bri’s face, smiled ruefully. "I’m getting this right at least. Merry Christmas, Bri."

The younger man smiled against his lips as Nick kissed him. "Yeah…Merry Christmas Nick."

Bri settled against him, making little snuffled noises as he cuddled into Nick’s side, pillowing his head on the blonde’s chest.

"’Night, sweetheart…" Nick kissed Bri’s hair softly. Catching sight of the time on his wristwatch, he sighed. "Besides, we need to be up in a couple of hours to head over to St. Bernadette’s…."

Bri made a sleepily disgruntled sound against his chest. "You’re kidding, aren’t you?"

"It’s Christmas Day, it’s the busiest time."

"Dumbfuck…." Bri shook his head, pressed a kiss to the skin beneath his lips, and murmured. "You’re a regular saint, aren’t you?"

Nick chuckled, running a hand down Bri’s back as he snuggled against his lover. Bri yelped softly as Nick’s fingers traced the crease of his ass. "No, not always."

"I’m holding you to that." Bri muttered.

Nick smiled, closing his eyes. "You know, I was hoping you’d say that…"

~ * ~ End ~ * ~